Bad Physics Jokes

笑到我肚都痛......
(唔明就算啦. 要等下一世先會明架咯, 呵呵呵.)

cosmic variance, Bad Physics Jokes:

Maxwell’s equations are coupled differential equations, but that we can decouple them and see something interesting (what will turn out to be the wave equation) by simply curling, a practice which still survives to this day as an Olympic sport…..

conductor......semiconductor.......superconductor
superconductor at 90 deg

Asher comments:

My prof, lecturing on operators and the Dirac system of notation made the following comment: “Operators are lucky: they are represented by matrices. All we've got is politicians!”

Mike comments:

My daughter is majoring in biology, but she loves physics jokes. She really loves this joke.

Physicist: We have learned that neutrinos have mass.
Studnet: I did not even know that they were Catholic.

She tells it to all sorts of people and frequently gets blank stares.

Schwaumlaut comments:

So an engineer, physicist, and mathematician are staying in a motel.

Late that night, a fire breaks out in the engineer’s room. He luckily wakes up, sees the fire, and dumps water on it until it’s out. Disaster averted, he returns to bed.

Later that night, a fire breaks out in the physicist’s room. He luckily wakes up, sees the fire, calculates how much water he’ll need, and puts just enough water on it that it goes out. Disaster averted, he returns to bed.

Later still, a fire breaks out in the mathematician’s room. He wakes up, sees the fire, exclaims, “There exists a solution!” and returns to bed.

Jemaleddin comments:

I’m sure you’ve all heard it, but for the sake of completeness:

Werner Heisenberg was pulled over for speeding. The police officer walked up to the car, leaned in the window and asked, “Do you know how fast you were going?”

Doctor Heisenberg replied: “No, but I know exactly where I was.”

erc comments:

An algebra and number theory lecturer told us that the maths dept had been critisized in their last external assessment exercise for not trying often enough to connect with reality. Thus, he had to give real world examples. Then he “So, imagine an infinite chess board…”

We had to assume spherical potatoes for a P.D.E. question once too.

A hydrogen atom runs into a police station and says “Someone just stole my electron!”
Police officer: “Are you sure?”
Electron:”Yes, I’m positive!”

citrine comments:

I heard this joke at a Math awards ceremony and it always cracks me up.

A Physicist was explaining to a Mathematician and Engineer about 9-D spacetime. “How can you imagine 9-D spacetime?” the Engineer asked the Mathematician. Easy, said the Mathematician. “I imagine n-D spacetime and let n tend to 9.”

Howard comments:

Why are there no physicists in liberal organizations?

Because they know there is no potential function for a non-conservative force.